Sunday, December 18, 2005


I'm not good with commitment.

That's a phrase I've heard so often over the past little while, it's starting to drive me mad. Friends, family, classmates, all seem to have some fear of commiting. It's not as if they are bad people. Most of them are fine people, other than that one fault. Men afraid to commit to a job. Women afraid to commit to a man. Boys afraid to commit to being on time. Girls afraid to commit to a fashion or style. All of them afraid to commit to the truth.

What is commitment, that makes it so scary, so fearsome? By committing, are we selling a part of our souls? No. Are we making life changing decisions? No. Are we giving up something precious of ours in order to gain it? Again, No. So why is there such an aversion to it in this day and age?

Nowadays, when everything has to be measured in immeiate gratification, the idea of commitment is fearful. People don't want to wait for things; they want the most possible, and as soon as possible. The idea of commitment, of perhaps delaying your pleaure for a brief period, to do something for someone other than yourself, is foregin to us. We are all too wrapped up in our immature thoughts to commit to anything else.

But I'm young, I have often heard, and I just want to have fun now. Experiment, and I'll settle down later, and commit then. But when is later? The flirts and playboy's of adolescence wind up the bachelors and spinsters of old age. The drifters, who can never stick with something, never find anything to stick to. We claim that we can stop when we feel right. But again, when is right? Like an addiction, without knowing how to stop, we can never turn off the desire to keep moving. If you constantly train yourself to drift, you'll never know how to settle down.

The idea of non-commitment says that there is always better. That we should not chain ourselves to one thing, because there will always be something better out there, something more enticing, more thrilling, that we should strive for. But of course there will be. There will always be, and there's naught any of us can do about it. If you keep playing ''Keep up with the Jones's'' you'll wind up not only missing the Jones's, but also your own happiness. Is it so hard to say "Yes, what I have isn't the best, but I'm happy with it"? We often find ouselves pining after hopeless dreams, because we cant accept, can't commit, to the hand that fate has dealt us.

By saying we're afraid of commitment, we're saying we can't be trusted. That we can't even summon the basic human decency to say that you can be counted on. That, although someone else may count on us, depend on us, need us, we can't recpriocate. This idea of fear of commtiment, essentially says a fear of maturity. A fear that you should own up to what you do. That you should stand by something, through thick and thin. By distancing yourself from any form of commitment, you show that you don't want to grow up, and deal with the hard facts of life, that sometimes you need to stop leading a wishy-washy life, trying to aviod responsibility and make a stand. A stand on some idea, some person, some THING.

So the next time you say you're afraid of commitment, stop and think of what you're actually afraid of, about why you're saying this, and whether or not it's commitment that really scares you.

Otherwise, you could be commiting yourself to more than you barganned for.

-MJ Herman


At Monday, December 19, 2005 7:35:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. This sounds like you are the type of person who has his mind set on a path through life and is determined to get there no matter what. But are you ever impulsive or spontaneous - just doing things at the spur of the moment just for the fun of it?

At Monday, December 19, 2005 5:38:00 PM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

Sweet Christ. Shut the fuuuuuuck up. I'd form a more intelligble rebuttal, but my keyboard is all fucked up now because of the foam dripping out of my mouth from the thought that I consider someone as ridiculously retarded as you a close friend. I oughta have you committed (even in anger, I still love the pun).


At Monday, December 19, 2005 5:47:00 PM, Blogger N/A said...

Dave, just because Herman thinks he's deep, and therefore better than us, isn't reason to be angry and slander him on his blog... Oh, no sorry, it is.

With that said, I have a lot of work to do, so I won't comment any more. Bye now.

At Monday, December 19, 2005 5:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think for now I will stick to being commited to the concept of commitment. We are all too young to start worrying now.
PS: You are a genius!

At Monday, December 19, 2005 6:37:00 PM, Blogger Contrarian said...

Does this mean that Herman is engaged? I don't really get it...the title of the post is "committed", and it talks about how good commitment is, but never shows Herman's commitment.

I really expected something like, "With this in mind, I would like to announce that _____ (maybe a girl, a guy, a pop-tart?) and I are madly in love" or something like that.

I liked the content though.

At Tuesday, December 20, 2005 4:34:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

Ok, it seems I failed to get a few things across:
1) I am NOT talking about life decisions here. Should we get engaged at the age of 17? Of course not, that's just ridiculous. Should we try to train ourselves to commit to little things (at first), like punctuality and being dependable? Yes.
2) Ben, I am both deeper AND better than you. AND, I can talk without preaching from a soapbox
3)To all of those who say "But we're young", obviously you weren't reading too closely.
4) My relationship with my pop-tart's is strictly professional, despite what the tabloids say.
5) Yes, I do have a very set goal in life, and I feel (persoanlly) that it gives me direction. Do I condemn all forms of spontanaitey? No, as that's what makes life fun and exciting. However, with this in mind, I feel that the idea of commiting, even to minute things, is a lost art now, and that people are too focused on being a 'free spirit' or other BS euphimasims for 'Lazy'.

At Tuesday, December 20, 2005 6:18:00 PM, Blogger N/A said...

Herman, if you're deeper and better than me, why do I get proposed to after my poems, and you get bitched at after your rants?

Love, Ben

At Tuesday, December 20, 2005 8:49:00 PM, Blogger Erika said...

VERY good post!! I'd say fromstien's just jealous that he can't write a brilliant sounding post:-)

At Wednesday, December 21, 2005 2:15:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

B/C I write about things that matter, and you write EMO poems

At Thursday, December 22, 2005 7:23:00 PM, Blogger N/A said...

Fuck you. Emo is whiney, bitchy shit tied in with massive corporations to sell insecure youth a lifestyle, and all the accessories.

My whiney, bitchy shit has no corporate sponsorship. Therefore, bite my shiney metal ass.

At Friday, December 23, 2005 10:57:00 AM, Blogger Erika said...

girls girls GIRLS!! why can't we allllll just get along??

At Friday, December 23, 2005 12:43:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

Deep seeded anger problems, Erika. We've been through this before.

At Thursday, December 29, 2005 9:33:00 AM, Blogger Erika said...

I'd say therapy is in order for all you crazy canadians!!

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"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
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"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
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