Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Secrets

I have a secret.

I can't tell you when I heard about it. I can't say who it's about. I can't say what its about. I can't say how important it is. I can't say why it's important. All of that would serve, in some way, to betray the secret. All I can say is that it is my secret.

No one here will know what it is. Some people will think they know what it is. Some people may be mad, because they think I'm betraying their secret. Others will assume I am simply showboating. Still others will havent a clue what I'm actually talking about. I can guarantee them all that the secret I am thinking of is not theirs, nor do they know about it, or likely care.

When I first heard this secret, I was surprised. I immediatly wanted to tell someone, even though I had been sworn to secrecy. But I didn't. At the time, I'm not sure why. It may have been beacuse I didn't think it was that important. Or because I was just tired. But then, the next day, I thought about it again. And again, I thought about telling it. But this time, I was sure I wasn't going to say it. Out of respect for the secret itself, not the person/people involved.

Another period of time goes by, and still no one knows. I don't talk about it. I dont want to talk about it. And it still stays inside me. People may hint at it, or ask questions, not to me, about it. It sometimes strains and burst to leap out my mouth into the world, but I keep it in. It becomes a part of me. I wake up, and it's with me. Wherever I go, it comes with me, nagging, pressing to expose itself, if only but for a fleeting moment. But still he stays within, never to break his bonds.

It's gotten to the point why I don't even remember why I'm still keeping the secret, nor why it's so important. All I know is that I have to keep it inside, at all costs. As long as it stays inside, I keep some little hope, some little essence alive within me, giving me purpose, giving me a reason to keep fighting something, even something so insignificant.

I still haven't told a soul, and I will continue to tell no one. I will take this secret with me to the grave, perhaps out of a sense of duty, or perhaps out of a sense of obligation, to myself and the secret. The party or parties involved may have revelaed it long ago; this makes no difference. This was not their secret. It was mine. I heard it. I have carried it with me, keeping it safe for all this time, and so it remains my own. I will continue to keep it here with me, nurturing it, keeping it just inside me, always trying to escape, but I always keeping it back.

I think the world is built on secrets like this. Secrets, that may not even really be secrets. Secrets that people keep, from everyone. We all have them. Some of them are personal. Some are irrelevent, some are amusing, some are serious, some are heartbreaking, but all are important. Even if it is in fact public domain, that doesnt matter. What matters is that you BELIEVE that you have that knowledge. That you everyday, undergo the personal struggle to keep that secret trapped. This struggle, in the end, makes us better. They keep us up. They remind us that there is one little thing that we have, that sets us above the rabble. One small piece of knowledge that you have, that makes you superior to every single other person in this world.

Because, after all, for some people, that's all they have.

-MJ Herman

10 Comments:

At Tuesday, November 22, 2005 9:59:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

I've got nothing to say really, other than that this post was incredible.

 
At Wednesday, November 23, 2005 7:57:00 AM, Blogger Herman said...

Why thank you Chaz. That means a lot

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 2:24:00 PM, Blogger Erika said...

Wow...thats great herman. couldn't such a secret make you go crazy after awhile? and I totally agree with chaz.

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 4:39:00 PM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

I'll be honest, I only read the first 3 paragraphs or so, so I dunno what the rest of the post is about. But... Did he just come out to us all online?

 
At Thursday, November 24, 2005 8:34:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

I said what you DIDN'T expect

 
At Sunday, November 27, 2005 7:29:00 PM, Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Dude. You're deep.

 
At Monday, November 28, 2005 7:25:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am new to Blogger.com and came across your Blog. I think that this one is really good. Have you ever thought of getting this published?

You may have a future in writing.

 
At Thursday, December 01, 2005 4:41:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

Well, thank you annonymous blogger. I just dont know HOW to get something published

 
At Friday, December 02, 2005 6:18:00 AM, Anonymous dog house plans said...

Howdy Herman,
I'm impressed with what you wrote here in your Secrets post. I gave up my search for wood dog house information and wanted to hang out here on your blog - well done. I might make a blog like yours about wood dog house, but I wouldn't try to compete with you. You're doing a great job Herman.
You got a great thing going... by friend.

 
At Monday, December 19, 2005 5:36:00 PM, Anonymous Bonnie said...

Wow Herman that was some deep thinking...and I mean deep as in like the deep blue sea. Personally I'm so moved i don't know whether to applaud your brilliant thinking or ponder myself whether to ever keep a secret ever again.

 

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