Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

Yes, this line is a ripoff of a famous line from Catch-22 (one of the greatest all time books, by the by). This line, spoken by Yossarian, mourns the loss of innocnece in the war. Much like Yossarian, I too have come today to mourn the loss of innocnece. Also like him, I have a love of hookers and a dead roommate, but that's a story for another day.

The innocence of which I speak is the innocence of bloggery.

In the beginning, all that existed was chaos. Not much has changed. However, in this time period, a man came forth and started writing his personal thoughts and feelings on the internet. This man was Benjaman D. Singer. He started the trail that so many other rich Jewish kids with too much time on their hands would follow. With a combination of wit, insight and slightly homo....wait, I've done this before. Point is he started the bloggery, that so many of us chose to partake in. A "Garder of Eden of Blogging" if you will. You wont? Ah well.

However, Ben grew lonely. He wanted others to share in his joy. So, following the lead of this 'God' fellow that he loved so dear, he broke off one of his ribs. After a short trip to the hospital, he decided that a better approach would be simply to tell his friends about the joys of blogging. And sex. But mostly blogging. Soon many of us were revelling in the garden of blogging, from myself, to Fromstein, to Kyle Giddens, to Bailey Spagat, and yes, even Laruen Silver, once she learned how to read. For the most part, we left each other be, pausing occasionally to comment on another's blog, or to leave death threats and burinig effigys in someone's bedroom. Harmless fun.

But our fun was short lived. A serpant soon entered in our midst, by the name of Chaz, a name we would all soon associate with "That bastard". His sinister name should have tipped us off as to his evil, from the arrogant abreviation of his two names, to the exceptionally sinister 'Z' at the end. But we were blind fools. He started off innocent enough, commenting in amusing ways on the mundane aspects of life, in a fashion that brought a tear to even the most hardened soul that I beat with a sack of doorknobs. He soon started to tempt those around him. It started (as every event in world history inevitably does) with a woman.

Lauren Silver started commenting on his blogs. It was innocent enough, I suppose. But then, she turned to her soulmate, Lee, and made him partake of the forbidden commenting. Soon many others were lured in by this madman's curse. It became a game, to see who's comments could do the most damage, much like Beat the Homeless. But this wasn't enough for the Satan known as Chaz. He was insanely drunk, much like me on Shavuot, but on power. And he wasn't going to vomit his evil in the bathroom of a synagogue, but rather, on the world wide web.

He soon reached out to other blogs of people he didnt even know. Assuming an innocent approach of "I agree with whatever you said in your most recent post", he lured in outsiders to see his blog. He would post a link to his blog in his comments, and invite others, often not even from the same continent, to view the travesty he was masquerading as his blog. This bolstered his 'popularity' further, and made it seem like he was the coolest blogger ever. Like me through a screen door, his evil knows no restraint or logic. When I tried to alert the world of this situation, he silenced with his mighty ERASE COMMENTS button.

BUT NO MORE I SAY! The time has come to rise up and defeat this meance that stands amoung us. I say to the readers of my blog, all 8 of you, boycott It is because of this man, that a great blogger has retired. It is because of this man, that the web is that much slower. It is because of this man that I can't get a girlfriend! (....I assume).

Individually, we may be weak. Together, we're a LOT of weak people. That's gotta be worth something. Please, help me in my quest to restore the level playing field we once enjoyed.

...And that is why you will support The Powerful Leader, for he is all knowing, wrong speech. Just give me a few months, then we'll see.

To reiterate: Chaz's Blog = EVIL.

This is Michael Herman saying: If God hadn't wanted me to eat meat, he wouldn't have made animals so killable.

PS - Or fun to watch run in fear


At Thursday, June 16, 2005 6:08:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

YAY HERMAN! well said!

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 7:57:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

black people will rule the world

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 12:57:00 PM, Blogger Absolut Silver said...


guess what? i CAN read... in fact i just read your blog and you make some excellent points. Chaz is evil, and so is his blog.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 1:06:00 PM, Anonymous Fromstein said...

Lauren, you're the single biggest supporter of Chaz's blog, with the possible exception of your "soulmate"! It's good to see that you've come to your senses, it's about time.

Yay Herman.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 2:07:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

I have figured it out.

You know how men have penises and women don't? Well, as I'm sure a bunch of you know, there is a theory that women have a quality known as 'Penis Envy', whereby the women envy the men, or more specifically, their penises.

These women wish that they had penises, so that they could thrust and bang to their hearts' desire. But alas, they do not.

Now consider Michael Herman, and to a lesser extent Ben and Fromstein. In this analogy, I, Chaz, play the man, complete with a penis (analagous to a powerful and successful blog). Herman is the penisless woman, devoid of any power whatsoever, but most definitely he has his share of envy.

This is not the first time that people have written blogs about me, and the 'menace' that I am. Ben took a shot at me in his gay people post, and Fromstein mentioned how annoying I was in his last real post.

And now this, an entire post dedicated to me.

So you see, Herman has recognized his inferiority through his inability to compete with me, and the only solution for the insecure fellow is to call me 'evil'.

In the meantime, my blog, grows ever stronger, especially now with the addition of ads on my blog. Not only will I wield power, a cult of many, and insightful ideas, but now I have turned by blog into a money-making scheme.

The bottom line, if you haven't figured it out by now, is that Herman is a woman with no penis.

Chaz out.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 2:09:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

By the way, Lauren, do not let them convert you. Clearly you are still in love with my blog, as your brother told me this morning before the math exam.

You do not think I'm evil...

Chaz out.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 2:10:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Oh, one other thing. I was around before you and Fromstein and Lauren, so I think your post is incorrect.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 2:11:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Oh, also, Catch-22 is a really good book. A guy gets chopped in half by a propeller of a plane. Pretty cool.

Chaz out.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 2:42:00 PM, Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Chaz, I didn't take a shot at you. You were just the only name I could think of who wouldn't be offended.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 2:57:00 PM, Blogger Absolut Silver said...

chaz... i guess i am your biggest fan, but that does not mean you are not evil!
I guess i'm a fan of evilness then??

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 3:37:00 PM, Anonymous Phife Dawg said...

Chaz you just got to say, " Nigga Please!" and move on with your life she don't like you so get yourself a new bitch

Phife Dawg

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 5:44:00 PM, Anonymous Jax said...


At Thursday, June 16, 2005 7:00:00 PM, Anonymous Phife Dawg said...

YOu offended Home Slice??

Phifey Sharper than an arrow
Equivelent to Pete Rock on the narrow

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 7:31:00 PM, Blogger Herman said... make an adulterous point Chaz.

However, you fail to mention how YOU felt so threatened by my pointing out the truth that when I endevored to alert other people, that you felt it nessicary to delete my comments.

As well, you fail to take into consideration that YOU are the truly insecure one here, as you need to attract strangers to your blog by sly means, in order to bolster what I can only imagine as a patheticly dishrivelled ego. And we know what happens to small ego's: They have to mass many people around them to feel wanted, much like what you are doing.

You could follow my lead, and post not for the fame, fortune or sex, but for the fun of writing things on the internet that would get your tongue cut out in most countries, and for the fun in bringing a smile to the handful of friends that read it. Or you could continue in your self-serving sham of a blog, constantly attracting new losers off the internet through your evil means, until you are revelling in a pool of sinful commenters and choke on your own crapulence.

Hopefully, you'll follow Spike Lee and Do The Right Thing.

Herman Out

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 8:15:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Copying my exit line? Now you've done it...

Herman, I think you misunderstand my intentions. I don't attempt to attract people to my blog so that I can do all of those crazy things that you're talking about like making myself feel wanted and all that bullshit.

Every post I write, I try to write well, with the hopes that people will read it and enjoy it. I have done that since the beginning, and that alone has garnered my blog a lot of attention.

You, on the other hand, write with as many spelling mistake as my 6 year old cousin, and what do you write about? You complain about other people, namely me.

You see, I was under the impression that you stated your intentions regarding your blogging, that you meant that you like to write for the fun of writing, to make controversial statements, and to 'bring a smile to the handful of friends that read it'.

Where is this altruistic statement reflected in your posts? The last two posts have been complaints about other people, both including me. If you really don't like me that much, then why are you writing about me? Write about the stuff that you talk about all the time, like yelling at people during Jewish History and arguing with anyone, anywhere.

I don't mean to call you a hypocrite, but then again, you're a hypocrite.

Chaz out.

P.S. I made money today from people coming to my blog, so ha!

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 8:37:00 PM, Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Ok, I'm going to TRY and resolve this. Chaz, Herman, you guys shouldn't be fighting over this. It's stupid. Honestly, it isn't important enough to fight about.

Herman, if Chaz is promoting his blog, so what? Maybe he does have an ego that needs to be fed, but does that really matter? If Chaz enjoys having people read the posts he's worked very hard on writing, making enjoyable, and perfecting, don't begrudge him the nachas he gets from others acknowledgement (prolly spelled wrong) of his talent.

Chaz, you aren't getting off scott free either. It was VERY annoying, especially to those of us who don't get so many comments, to see you 'hit whoreing' on the blogs we worked just as hard to create. I personally thought you'd get it when Davey and I started imitating you, not to get more hits for ourselves (side bonus), but to show you how annoying it is. If people want to see your blog, they can go through your profile. Or type in the url. Or click the link I have on my sidebar. But when you write things like "For something actually funny, go to Chazinc," I'm a little hurt.

So, I've showed both of you where you've erred, and hopefully you'll end your differences and gang up on me in the future, possibly concerning something Jewish History related; not the History part, but the random debates in Kimsey's class. And I think we can all agree that Lee will be invited, so we have a scapegoat.

The Benjamin D. Singer Experience for the Ladies

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 9:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i disagree with ben. chaz is making money, so chaz wins, sorry herman. well im not really sorry, but u know. and can i be invited to the jewish history related ganging up on ben? those are 2 of my FAVOURITE things (making fun of kimel - one m one l - and ganging up on ben.. does life get any better than this?) no it doesnt. well yes it does, because everyone else has an exam tomoro but not usssssss!! WERE SPECIAL PEOPLE! and were not big enough losers to take rabbinics. losers.

At Thursday, June 16, 2005 9:03:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

I choose to respond to Ben's mediation the same way I do to anyone: Ignore it, and continue head-on, with little regard for consequence or action.

Chaz, dont flatter yourself. Aside from this most recent post, all my posts have been about humorous topics. My second most recent post was about ALL my friend's blogs, not just yours. If you look carefully, I equated Lauren's Blog to cancer, while your blog was simply a forum for much discussion.

With regards to your spelling and punctuation comments, while this is unfortunatly true, bear in mind that I am usually writing these at one in the morning, on a computer that is slower than molasses going uphill in a snowstorm (ya, weird, but my grampa uses this expression and it makes me laugh).

While I appreciate all you do for the world, what with warning us about the dangers of grass, or on superfluous (sp?) clothing, you can do it, and not need to gather so many people. You had a large fan base as is, and didnt require additional fans. be fair, I've forgotten why I wrote this in the first place. Oh yea.I write all of these to get a laugh. And clearly it has worked. For example:

Absolut Silver said...

guess what? i CAN read... in fact i just read your blog and you make some excellent points. Chaz is evil, and so is his blog.


Fromstein said...
Lauren, you're the single biggest supporter of Chaz's blog, with the possible exception of your "soulmate"! It's good to see that you've come to your senses, it's about time.

Yay Herman.

and especially

Jax said...

So you see, all that I do is for shits and giggles.

Herman In (...fine, I DID rip off your closing)

At Friday, June 17, 2005 4:46:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drop the words and pull out the Tech 9's last man standing wins

At Friday, June 17, 2005 10:52:00 AM, Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Dear person who wants to gang up on Ben,


The Benjamin D. Singer Experience for the Ladies

At Friday, June 17, 2005 1:45:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Hey Herman, want to put a link to my blog on your site? That way you can show everyone how evil I am. I'll put a link to yours on mine.

At Friday, June 17, 2005 1:45:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At Friday, June 17, 2005 8:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice going chaz .. what a sellout. you have ruined blogs forever!

oh, and yay herman.

At Friday, June 17, 2005 8:51:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice going chaz .. what a sellout. you have ruined blogs forever!

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Big Ups to Chaz he's my main homeboy he crushed all you other nigga's in his argument and rebutal, his lingustic skills are par nuit maybe he should start a rap career like Phifey

The job of resurecter is to give the dead some life

Sex is the most wholesome thing money can buy! Said by TOm Clancy

Phifey leavin featherweight niggers vexed he's here to fiz shit its fluidity baby that shit you can't fathom those hoes have been in porn flicks

At Friday, June 17, 2005 10:40:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Herman you need to get your head out of your ass and start writing real blogs all you care about is discrediting Chaz's blogs instead of trying to improve yours do you see chaz taking those Cheap shots??? the answer is no you stupid fuck

At Saturday, June 18, 2005 10:02:00 AM, Anonymous Fromstein said...

No, Herman has a serious point about this shit. At first it was just Chaz that had sucked all the spirit out of blogging, but Herman has definitely reduced himself to Chaz's level with his last few posts. Ben... Ben's just chugging along. Good ol' Ben.

Even after I withdrew my blog (which, like many independent bands, is considerably better than some of the major conglomorate TRL bands, and just doesn't receive as much attention [was that too subtle for you?]), I still had no problem visiting anyone else's blog, because, until recently, they were all relatively fun to read. Now that Chaz has put ads up on his site, and poor little Ben has followed suit, you can all go rot in hell, because if you're writing shit to make money (which, by the way, they're not really. They don't get a cheque until they reach $100, which will never, EVER happen), I for one am not gonna support you. And, for the record, I still have Petunia on my side. Hurrah.

So, in conclusion, I'm a better writer and a smarter person than anyone else in this city, and I defy you to prove me wrong.

Much love,

At Saturday, June 18, 2005 10:03:00 AM, Anonymous Fromstein said...

PS: I'm just kidding, I hate indie bands in general. But my blog kicked ass.

At Saturday, June 18, 2005 11:04:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Indie bands all the way

At Saturday, June 18, 2005 1:58:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Enough with all this spirit-sucking talk. My posts are the same, and have not sustained any loss in dignity, character, or spirit for that matter.

What is wrong with me putting up ads on my site? The content is the same, that articles are written in the same way, I just found a means to make a buck through doing something that I enjoy.

I am sick of people making me out to be a demon, doing Satan's work and whatever other idiotic nonsense you guys come up with. It was a little funny at first, but enough, please.

The way I see it, Herman changed his blog so that it is just garbage about me, Fromstein quit because of me, and Ben seems to copy my every move.

Stop. If I am the devil, then do not be influenced by me. Don't copy me, don't mention me, just forget I am there.

Fromstein, if you are as smart as you claim to be, then why did you quit doing something that you enjoy doing, and that other people enjoy reading, because of someone that you have met once. Wasn't it fun talking about the triumvirate with me and 3% of Ben?

Blogging is something that is enjoyed by all, especially those who actually run and write the blogs. If I have offended anyone, or negatively influenced anyone, or comitted heretical acts, then I am sorry, I didn't mean to (except when I explicitly meant to).

I am not writing anything for the sake of money. I enjoy writing, and I enjoy people reading my writing. I happened to think of a way to use my love of writing productively, without lowering the quality of the writing (despite what Fromstein and Herman think).

So shut up about me.

At Saturday, June 18, 2005 9:45:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck Yall me and Chaz we will knock your punk ass out Nigga

At Saturday, June 18, 2005 9:54:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no i aint a racist Nigga and Nigger r to diffrent words Nigger is racist Nigga means homeboy

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