Friday, May 13, 2005

Friday Evening, 11 PM

As you may or may not have gleaned, today's post is a crude takeoff of a Paul Simon song. I know, I know, its really Simon and Garfunkel, but lets face it, if your name was Garfunkel, would anyone take YOU seriously? That's what I thought, loser.
Anyhoo, back to my life...well, I'm alive, which is more than I can say for the fetal pig I'm disecting on Tuesday. My biggest concern is not whether or not I'm going to seriously maim it, because lets face it, its a FETUS! And if Pro-choice has taught us one thing, its that fetuses have no rights. Whatsoever. Fetus murder for all! (I'm aware some of my "Hey, rubbing these two things together makes fire?!" audience may not have gotten that, but fuck it, I don't have to pander to you. Wait...crap, still do. I swear, once my play sells, I am SO out of here).
My biggest concern is that I dont have a good name for my pig. All of the cool names have been taken, like 'The Notorious P.I.G." or "Magnum P.I.G.". If I don't think fast, I'm going to be stuck with a stupid name like Hartley, or Percy, or Garfunkel. Fucking bastard.
But the disecting looks cool. We get to tie it down, cut it open, and remove its heart. Just like weekends at Aunt Gertrude's. So much S+M...and M+M' I'm hungry.
Aside from that, next week looks pretty crappy, what with the double periods, and the crunch time to exams and the contracting of various STD's...I mean, Math homework. But actually, on second thought, they both are annoying, long and arduous, and cause a lot of pain. And make me flacid.
CHATstock (I know, how clever. They take a famous music event and add the name of the school in front of it. Although no one listened to my idea to make it Chatapalooza, or Chatstock '99) is coming next week, and due to a substantial gambling debt, I have been recruited to play bass for my friend in Grade 12. However, his choice in songs is suspect. His genre of music consists, from what I can hear, of mainly beating a cat with a guitar and feeding it through a synthesizer. Ah well, work's work. Especially Math work. Don't worry little guy, you'll be on your feet soon...
Well, I should be off. If any of the clan reads this, give me a call, at anytime, and leave a mesage if I'm not there. Carrie wants to meet you all Saturday night, and you all know how good I am at planning stuff.
This is Michael Herman saying "Remember: It's only ILLICIT pornography if four or more holes are being used"
PS- Or two 'out' holes
PPS- Keep the comments coming. The price of cocaine just went up 5$/ a hit, and my ego pays the difference in his blood. And other bodily fluids.


At Saturday, May 14, 2005 10:29:00 AM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

1) Herman, don't think I didn't notice your "untill next time"-ish sign offs are completely ripped off my old site, just less funny.

2) I'm sure everyone gets your jokes, if you can call them jokes, so stop pretending youre smarter than the a-ver-age bear. (Ay, booboo!)

C) This comment breaks with the former style of numerical bulleting.

4) You'd all have more fun reading my blog,

5) Yes Herman, the only reason I got you to start a blog was that so I'd finally have a competing blog I could crush. Like a cockroach! Under my shoe! Orthopedic shoes!

At Saturday, May 14, 2005 12:10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hermans gay

At Monday, May 16, 2005 8:23:00 AM, Blogger N/A said...

Herman's not gay, he's just big boned is all.

At Tuesday, May 17, 2005 7:56:00 PM, Blogger Contrarian said...

Hey! Clearly Fromstein has himself mixed up with ME. Not only did Herman clearly rip off my blog, whereby a random comment with zero relevance to the post is used as a sort of goodbye, but I am the one crushing Herman's blog with orthopedic shoes, as my regular comment intake is 30-40+. AHAHA. But keep reading. Anyway, enough about how great I am. Wait, no, not enough. I forgot to mention that Herman was referring to MY fetal pig, Notorious P.I.G., a.k.a. Piggie Smalls, the greatest pig that ever lived (and by lived I mean died before it was born). Well, now enough about me, let's talk about Herman's big-bonedness, which I, er, know nothing about...No really, I don't.

Chaz out.

At Wednesday, May 18, 2005 5:31:00 PM, Blogger N/A said...

Chaz, half your comments are posted by you, dipwad!

At Wednesday, May 18, 2005 7:28:00 PM, Blogger Contrarian said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At Wednesday, May 18, 2005 7:30:00 PM, Blogger Contrarian said...

Hey, don't make unfounded statements. I post maybe 5, 6 maximum. Either way, my 44 comments on the last post would still have been above 30 without me. Bum.

At Monday, May 23, 2005 9:51:00 PM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

Hey, just because I don't yell at people to comment on my posts which is evident from such comments as "chaz! i'm commenting! happy? - lauren", doesnt mean that my parents never loved me.... does it? DOES IT??

At Sunday, June 05, 2005 11:29:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fyi chaz, fromstein is so much cooler then you, and he forsure started the "until next time..." thingys, so dont even go there!


Post a Comment

<< Home