Thursday, May 12, 2005

First Post

Well, as Fromstein asked so....nicely, I have decided to create a blog for myself. It will alternate between serious and funny, because, lets face it, that's how I am.
I guess a good place to start would be at my profile, which will be a mix of both.
My name is Michael Jonathan Herman, though I have been known as "Herman", "Mikey John" "Student Number 0000159" and "My precious" by an creepy 80 year old postal worker who has been stalking me for the past three months.
I have two exceptionally annoying brothers, a dad who could double as a flagpole, and a mother who could double as Martha Stewart. Minus the insider trading arrest and multi-million dollar empire. Actually, just minus the empire. And of course, rounding out the family is the smartest and most hygenic one of us all, Tucker the dog.
I have many interests, none of which will interest you, so I wont list them. Get it? Interest- its a pun? Well fuck it, I dont have to pander to you people. Wait, I do? Crap. In that case, I like playing the bass poorly, reading, ignoring my friends and loved ones to read, reading and walking, and getting hit by oncoming traffic.
My friends are best described with the famous Richard Nixon phrase, "Fucking idiots". But in all seriousness, I love them, and I don't know what I'd do without them. Seriously, I based my life around you guys. Like the presents I got you, for example? That was my child support money. Lil' Timmy wasn't too happy that Christmas, let me tell you.
Not much is new in my life. I recentaly got over a horrible obsession with a good friend of mine, which I can tell you was slightly easier than overcoming my addiction to pancake syrup. Sweet, sweet syrup. So rich, and flavourful. Must...have....it. O, and much easier than my cocaine addiction. Man, you'd be surprised how fast you get over it once you find out that the secret ingredient is an illegal plant. And people. Rich, succulent people.
Anyhoo, that's about all the humour I've got in me for now, which really paints a sad picture for the rest of this blog.
If you've read this far, congradulations, you are now in the Guiness Book of Records. What for, I'm not sure. Check with that bee guy. Stupid bee-eating bastard. You'd thing that gumballs would be a suitable replacement to bees, but NOOO, not to the Guiness judges.

This is Michael Herman saying "Remember: It could be worse: You could have syphillys."

PS - Although that would mean you're getting laid.....
PPS- If you read this, please post a comment. My ego needs the stroking. He's just sitting there in the corner, cowering. He hasn't eaten for days, he has one pair of semi-clean pants left, and his step-mom constantly beats him for drug money. So, to reiterate, comment. Please

12 Comments:

At Thursday, May 12, 2005 7:01:00 PM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

Well Herman, I knew you'd cave in like the spine of that hooker I played that game of "beat the hooker" with. Congratulations on a almost entirely grammatically correct first blog, which is, of course, a sure sign of blogging longevity. You're one of the only people (besides Ben, I guess) who can get away with retelling the mundane stories of everyday life with clever insight and sharp humourous wit. But enough about you. I'm so fucking sexy right now. That's how I roll.

 
At Thursday, May 12, 2005 7:28:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

I appreciate the support frommer. With regards to the sexy factor...I agree

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 3:06:00 PM, Anonymous Jax said...

hermaaaaaan, israelllllll, lifeeeee, YAAAAAAAAAAY

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 4:39:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 4:40:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Herman Herman Herman. Did you know that after saying "Herman" a bunch of times, it starts to lose meaning? This also works with words like "Apple", "Santa Claus", "The", and every other word in the English language, including "English" and "language". Anyways, this blog was bloggeriffic, nay, blogtastic. Looking to forward to reading more (minus the oncoming traffic).

P.S. Where was this "pun" you speak of? Because interest as a noun and interest as a verb still come from the same word...interest, and mean the same thing. Whatever. Blog on!

www.chazinc.blogspot.com

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 8:12:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

Well, in no particular order:
1) Yes, yay Israel is my life (I thinkt that's what she meant)
2) With regards to Chaz's comments: I got borerd halfway through and ignited my computrer screen out of sheer boredom. Thanks for commenting though

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 8:30:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh yes, i just farted. on an entirely similiar note, your blog smells like fart.

- giant

 
At Friday, May 13, 2005 8:30:00 PM, Anonymous giant said...

oh yes, i just farted. on an entirely similiar note, your blog smells like fart.

- giant

 
At Saturday, May 14, 2005 10:26:00 AM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

Well played, Giant, well played.

Jackie... Christ... just learn how to spell and/or converse with other humans.

 
At Monday, May 16, 2005 8:21:00 AM, Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Herman, I love you and your cracked out ways. However, I have my doubts about your ego being the only thing needing stroking... ;-)

 
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