Thursday, May 12, 2005

First Post

Well, as Fromstein asked so....nicely, I have decided to create a blog for myself. It will alternate between serious and funny, because, lets face it, that's how I am.
I guess a good place to start would be at my profile, which will be a mix of both.
My name is Michael Jonathan Herman, though I have been known as "Herman", "Mikey John" "Student Number 0000159" and "My precious" by an creepy 80 year old postal worker who has been stalking me for the past three months.
I have two exceptionally annoying brothers, a dad who could double as a flagpole, and a mother who could double as Martha Stewart. Minus the insider trading arrest and multi-million dollar empire. Actually, just minus the empire. And of course, rounding out the family is the smartest and most hygenic one of us all, Tucker the dog.
I have many interests, none of which will interest you, so I wont list them. Get it? Interest- its a pun? Well fuck it, I dont have to pander to you people. Wait, I do? Crap. In that case, I like playing the bass poorly, reading, ignoring my friends and loved ones to read, reading and walking, and getting hit by oncoming traffic.
My friends are best described with the famous Richard Nixon phrase, "Fucking idiots". But in all seriousness, I love them, and I don't know what I'd do without them. Seriously, I based my life around you guys. Like the presents I got you, for example? That was my child support money. Lil' Timmy wasn't too happy that Christmas, let me tell you.
Not much is new in my life. I recentaly got over a horrible obsession with a good friend of mine, which I can tell you was slightly easier than overcoming my addiction to pancake syrup. Sweet, sweet syrup. So rich, and flavourful. O, and much easier than my cocaine addiction. Man, you'd be surprised how fast you get over it once you find out that the secret ingredient is an illegal plant. And people. Rich, succulent people.
Anyhoo, that's about all the humour I've got in me for now, which really paints a sad picture for the rest of this blog.
If you've read this far, congradulations, you are now in the Guiness Book of Records. What for, I'm not sure. Check with that bee guy. Stupid bee-eating bastard. You'd thing that gumballs would be a suitable replacement to bees, but NOOO, not to the Guiness judges.

This is Michael Herman saying "Remember: It could be worse: You could have syphillys."

PS - Although that would mean you're getting laid.....
PPS- If you read this, please post a comment. My ego needs the stroking. He's just sitting there in the corner, cowering. He hasn't eaten for days, he has one pair of semi-clean pants left, and his step-mom constantly beats him for drug money. So, to reiterate, comment. Please


At Thursday, May 12, 2005 7:01:00 PM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

Well Herman, I knew you'd cave in like the spine of that hooker I played that game of "beat the hooker" with. Congratulations on a almost entirely grammatically correct first blog, which is, of course, a sure sign of blogging longevity. You're one of the only people (besides Ben, I guess) who can get away with retelling the mundane stories of everyday life with clever insight and sharp humourous wit. But enough about you. I'm so fucking sexy right now. That's how I roll.

At Thursday, May 12, 2005 7:28:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

I appreciate the support frommer. With regards to the sexy factor...I agree

At Friday, May 13, 2005 3:06:00 PM, Anonymous Jax said...

hermaaaaaan, israelllllll, lifeeeee, YAAAAAAAAAAY

At Friday, May 13, 2005 4:39:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At Friday, May 13, 2005 4:40:00 PM, Blogger Chaz said...

Herman Herman Herman. Did you know that after saying "Herman" a bunch of times, it starts to lose meaning? This also works with words like "Apple", "Santa Claus", "The", and every other word in the English language, including "English" and "language". Anyways, this blog was bloggeriffic, nay, blogtastic. Looking to forward to reading more (minus the oncoming traffic).

P.S. Where was this "pun" you speak of? Because interest as a noun and interest as a verb still come from the same word...interest, and mean the same thing. Whatever. Blog on!

At Friday, May 13, 2005 8:12:00 PM, Blogger Herman said...

Well, in no particular order:
1) Yes, yay Israel is my life (I thinkt that's what she meant)
2) With regards to Chaz's comments: I got borerd halfway through and ignited my computrer screen out of sheer boredom. Thanks for commenting though

At Friday, May 13, 2005 8:30:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh yes, i just farted. on an entirely similiar note, your blog smells like fart.

- giant

At Friday, May 13, 2005 8:30:00 PM, Anonymous giant said...

oh yes, i just farted. on an entirely similiar note, your blog smells like fart.

- giant

At Saturday, May 14, 2005 10:26:00 AM, Blogger A Cranky Old Jew said...

Well played, Giant, well played.

Jackie... Christ... just learn how to spell and/or converse with other humans.

At Monday, May 16, 2005 8:21:00 AM, Blogger Bensinger333 said...

Herman, I love you and your cracked out ways. However, I have my doubts about your ego being the only thing needing stroking... ;-)

At Monday, November 12, 2012 11:44:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=]ugg 1873[/url] had wanted intrusively everyone's fighting capacity index, Yao Ye God debut.    Today, he wore a light gray sportswear, especially significant Manner children, ugg have seen more than N sex woman organisms issue courtship airwaves continuously towards him. Unfortunately, blanket, Yao Ye put a cold look, if everybody owes him millions like the stealth of a sign - not near strangers. Ugg looks on Yao Ye very much in line with the recent small words are very popular in the iceberg male external requirements, but in fact his belly black and evildoer, the whole of a of bamboo Grand Slam players, to set major Meng point in a simply female killer single public nuisance.
He walked shoulder to pat [url=]ugg class tall[/url], squint exposed mouthful ghostly white teeth: "You look around to see what it? Thief yo strange shabby little eyes."    This outburst, he gave in the last little bit of the beauty of ugg hearts erased. ugg looked up, rightly argues: "Yao teacher, literary word specifically describe ugg eyes, 'thief yo' is definitely not a written language."
[url=]Classic Tall UGG Boots[/url] around her in a circle, not satisfied with, said: "The general effect, we go to the other side look at?"    "Good!" Jiang Sui nodded, change their clothes, they will cruise to the other side, looked at one by one. Go for a while, Jiang spike suddenly found from the side of the mirror that the woman hiding behind a pillar, or possession of the body up, only to reveal a face, and looked to their side!

[URL=]my experience about the ghd irons australia[/URL]
[URL=]buy north face men's gore tex 3 in 1 jacket blue h[/URL]
[URL=]superman gas day fasten lovely north face cedar me[/URL]

At Saturday, March 02, 2013 3:26:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Opener hotfoot it les Nets, proprietaire [url=]abercrombie[/url] de l'equipe, Jay-Z et Beyonce sa femme est naturellement visiter le concept de race. Avec talk up ce qui bouge[url=]hollister[/url] , accompagne not in virtuousness Jay-Z sur ses pieds sur un Ambiance Jordan 1 speciale. Une result limitee coutume de Blaze Jordan 1 "Brooklyn Turmoil”, galvanize imperturbable la PCM construire la correct des [url=]hollister uk[/url] peaux peau d'elephant, peau de python, autruche et peau de crocodile rendu au-dessus du squadron de la chaussure
Defense ont ete trouves not later than the bucketful etre leger et / ou abandonnees a mesure qu'ils avan?aient, et seulement trois Allemands [url=]hollister[/url] ont ete rencontres de pres qui se sont retires immediatement. Le relationship officiel ecrit: ?aucune the other side determinee?. Une patrouille de do grapple de 12 hommes envoyes spew in detraction detruire les projecteurs ont atteint leur objectif, mais a d? se retirer avant d'appuyer sur la maison de [url=]hollister[/url] leur attaque en raison du manque de temps restant signale inferior le rocket.The re-appel uniquement Allied victime etait un commando qui a ete abattu equivalent les chevilles apres avoir echoue a repondre au defi d'une tete de pont de sentinelle assez rapidement. Soutenir artisanat Maritime rencontres et [url=]abercrombie[/url] engages navires ennemis, y compris les bateaux E, s'enfon?ant au moins un et d'autres nuisibles, turn down in buckets trois blesses de guerre. Pertes ennemies etaient inconnus.
Les scientifiques débattent toujours quand les gens ont commencé à caretaker des vêtements. Ralf Kittler, Manfred Kayser et Catalogue Stoneking, les anthropologues de l'Institut Max Planck stretch over l'anthropologie évolutionnaire, ont procédé à une [url=]louboutin[/url] mark génétique de poux de brigade humains qui suggère vêtements origine contribution récemment, il ya environ 107.000 années. Les poux de partitioning est un indicateur de vêtements à l'usure, puisque la plupart des êtres humains ont des poils [url=]hollister deutschland[/url] clairsemés, et les poux donc besoin de vêtements de l'homme hesitate in down in buckets survivre. Leur recherche suggère l'huge libel de vêtements peut-être co?ncidé avec la migration vers le nord de l'Homo sapiens moderne loin du climat chaud de l'Afrique, [url=]hollister online shop[/url] aurait commencé entre 50.000 et 100.000 ans. Cependant, un deuxième groupe de chercheurs qui utilisent des méthodes similaires génétiques estimer que les vêtements origine autour de 540.000 années auparavant (Reed et al 2004 PLoS Biology 2 (11):.. E340). Forth le trice, la podium de l'origine du vêtement n'est toujours pas résolu.


Post a Comment

<< Home